faux copywriting assignments.


Jewelry company ad through nursery rhyme – Twinkle, Twinkle little star.

Since you were a little girl playing dress up, wishing on your first star and make believing. When you were 5, your mom’s jewelry. When you were 13, the set of pearls on Audry Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. When you were 16, five dollars of cheap mall jewelry. And when you were 25, the giant rock your best friend got from her now fiancé. Now it’s your turn. Dentale Jewelers – enough sparkle to be every girl’s I WISH I MAY, I WISH I MIGHT. Fulfill your diamond dreams. HAVE THE WISH YOU WISHED SINCE YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL.

Self Ad

Invest in a complete package. Invest in success.

No backup team? No go. Company is bankrupt. You’re jobless. You’re homeless. Your family leaves you. You wear a sandwich board on the streets of Manhattan to advertise yourself. Don’t let it happen to you. Invest in Kayla. Save your company. Save yourself. Kayla is the complete package. Southern Connecticut State University graduate. Advertising and Promotions major. What does this do for you? Everything. Design. Copy. Radio. TV. Absolutely everything. Dedicated to time consuming projects. Committed to succeeding. Kayla smiles. Spending every day with smiles is like spending your days without rain. No rain, no thunder. Any project, any mood, any day – all smiles. New media research, page layouts, press release kits. You got it, Kayla does it. Bring on the rain, Kayla shines every day.

Runner, cook, musician. This helps you? Yes. Creative through many outlets. Inquisitive with new styles, flavors, and new techniques. Keep the old styles. Incorporate the new. Design specialties through Adobe Creative suite. Expertise with Illustrator, Photoshop, InDesign, and Acrobat. Kayla uses all resources for the best end product. An artist in the true sense of the word. A creator. A successor. Your best kept secret. Their worst nightmare.

Write copy. Design layouts for advertising. Presentations. Graphic design. Kayla will do it. Without Kayla, you’re number two. Kayla’s layouts span from magazine to newspaper to handouts and direct mail. Kayla is the success of your advertising. Powerpoint and graphic design perfectionist. Your presentations will suffer without Kayla. Lackluster powerpoints with bullets don’t cut it. Visuals are key. Kayla will specialize for your needs.

Skip the planning and scheduling. Let Kayla do it. Kayla will organize the schedule of needs. Missing a meeting and losing a client won’t happen with Kayla. Kayla will schedule. Kayla plans. Kayla confirms. Each month, week, and day planned to a tee. Nothing ever lost. Extra time to edit, re-work, and finalize saves you stress. Extra sleep? A new found dream. Let Kayla set that stage for company success. Don’t need the sleep? Spend spare time with your family. Wait. Spare time? YES! SPARE TIME! Kayla gives you your life back.

An unbelievable package. Don’t miss out on Kayla. Kayla is your long lost employee. Without Kayla, the company will drown. You, will lose everything. Kayla helps. Kayla does. Kayla succeeds. YOU will succeed because of Kayla.

For more information – See Kayla’s steps to success:

  1. Call Kayla today at 860-867-5309. (not my real number)
  2. Invest.
  3. Succeed.

It’s that simple. Jump on it. Do it. Get Kayla. – Before it’s too late.


Pro Trimmer (electric garden trimmer)

The barber for your garden.

Ever wanted that perfect trim? Smooth edges? Perfect round cuts? No, not for your hair. Your lawn! Your shrubs. Hedges. Just like a haircut. Your lawn should be trimmed and neat.

The Pro Trimmer does just that. It’s 8 inch steel blades and rustless aluminum housing make for that perfect cut. It’s guaranteed unconditionally for one year. You trust your barber, so you should trust the Pro Trimmer.  A 3 pound quiet beast as dainty and quick as a barbers sheers.

Pro trimmer doesn’t control you. You control the Pro trimmer. Simply decide what style you want and go. Edge. Trim. Cut. Just plug it in. Like a good wash before you groom? Pro trimmer works well in damp grass and foliage. Like to keep a clean work space? Pro trimmer doesn’t throw materials.

Sold at local hardware, garden and department stores. No barber? No perfect cut. No Pro trimmer? No perfect lawn.  You’ll be the one to make the call. “A little longer in the front, please.”


Generic Skateboard Ad circa 1960’s

Surf the streets not the sea.

Surfing is bad.  Get the first bad board to hit the streets. Don’t waste your time getting blitzed with your friends. Forget about the fuzz. Surf the streets on wheels. Be a Bogart. Be boss. Ya dig? Be the cool cat on the streets with a Roller Derby Skateboard. Don’t be the only dipstick bummin’ the beach all day.  Roller skates? Flake off. So 1957. Skateboards? Far out. Be the outta sight kid with the wicked wheels. No I don’t mean a car. Try this one on gremmy. Forget the gnarly waves. Surf the sidewalk without the painful wipeouts. Without a Roller Derby skateboard, you’re not the cool kid on the block. Be hip. Hang loose off the beach on your Roller Derby. Stop wasting your winters giving melvins. Get jazzed to surf year round. Get where you’re going. Look righteous. The primo version of roller skates. Skateboards are wicked. Don’t be a square; surf the streets. Don’t be a skuzz. Score with a skateboard.


Generic “no-name” product (the pillow)

Nothin’ like a right night’s sleep.

Nothing worse than a groggy first presentation at 8AM.  ill-prepared. No sleep.  Nervous. Poor excuses. First job. New job. No matter, you need a good night sleep. Wanna impress the boss? The colleagues?  Nothing better than waking up refreshed. De-stressed. Go ahead, spend those extra few hours at work at night. You can afford to; you’ve got a pillow.  Like a personal squishy mattress for your head. The pillow helps your life with everything. Don’t have a job? Don’t care about your job? Buy it for YOU. Keep your stress level down. Feel confident. Feel relaxed.  Feel new. Different pillows for different sleep styles and needs. Think you have a good night’s sleep now? We can do better or your money back. Each day more confidence. Less stress. Future pitch. Future presentation. A promotion in store! There’s nothing a good night’s sleep can’t do. No pillow? Simple, no right night sleep.


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